The Leadership Skill Nobody Warned Me About
When I was first promoted into management, I had a pretty clear picture of what leadership development would require.
I expected to learn how to manage budgets, make decisions, organize priorities, communicate effectively, and influence people. I knew I would need to strengthen my business acumen and improve my ability to lead teams.
What I did not expect was that one of the most important leadership skills I would develop would be vulnerability.
In fact, if you had told me in my twenties that vulnerability would become central to effective leadership, I probably would have questioned it. Like many leaders, I associated vulnerability with weakness. Leadership, in my mind, was about confidence, certainty, and having the answers.
Over time, I’ve come to believe the opposite.
The most effective leaders I’ve encountered are not the ones who appear flawless. They are the ones who are willing to be honest about their challenges, their mistakes, and the things they are still learning.
Redefining Vulnerability in Leadership
The traditional definition of vulnerability isn’t particularly inspiring. It often focuses on exposure to harm, emotional risk, or weakness.
Brené Brown offers a much more useful definition:
Vulnerability is uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure.
That definition resonates with me because leadership involves all three.
Every significant leadership decision carries uncertainty.
Every innovation involves risk.
Every meaningful relationship requires emotional exposure.
Yet many leaders spend tremendous energy trying to avoid appearing vulnerable. They worry that admitting uncertainty will undermine confidence or that acknowledging mistakes will diminish credibility.
What I’ve found is that vulnerability rarely weakens leadership.
More often, it strengthens it.
Why Vulnerability Builds Stronger Teams
Many leadership experts have reached similar conclusions.
Daniel Goleman, whose work on Emotional Intelligence has influenced leaders around the world, argues that self-awareness and emotional intelligence are foundational leadership skills. Leaders who understand their own emotions and recognize the emotions of others are better equipped to navigate difficult situations and build meaningful relationships.
Patrick Lencioni makes a similar case in The Five Dysfunctions of a Team. He argues that trust is the foundation of healthy teams, and genuine trust requires vulnerability. Teams become stronger when leaders are willing to admit mistakes, ask for help, and acknowledge what they do not know.
Simon Sinek’s work echoes this idea as well. In Leaders Eat Last, he describes how vulnerable leaders create environments where people feel safe to contribute, collaborate, and innovate.
Different authors.
Different industries.
The same conclusion.
Trust grows when leaders stop pretending to be perfect.
Vulnerability Creates Psychological Safety
One of the most important outcomes of vulnerable leadership is psychological safety.
When leaders openly discuss mistakes, uncertainty, and lessons learned, they send a powerful message:
“You don’t have to be perfect here.”
That message changes culture.
People become more willing to ask questions.
They become more willing to share concerns.
They become more willing to take healthy risks.
Most importantly, they become more willing to learn.
Innovation rarely thrives in environments where people are afraid of making mistakes.
Innovation requires experimentation.
Experimentation requires risk.
Risk requires trust.
And trust requires vulnerability.
What We Learned from Sunshining
A few years ago, Compass leadership introduced our team to a concept from Netflix’s culture called Sunshining.
The idea is simple.
When something goes wrong, don’t hide it.
Bring it into the light.
Share what happened.
Share what you learned.
Help others benefit from the experience.
Rather than viewing mistakes as something to conceal, Sunshining treats mistakes as opportunities for collective learning.
What I appreciate most about the concept is that it starts with leaders.
When leaders Sunshine their own failures, they create permission for others to do the same.
The result isn’t less accountability.
It’s greater accountability.
Because people are no longer spending energy protecting themselves from embarrassment. They’re investing energy into growth.
The Difference Between Proving Yourself and Improving Yourself
One of the lessons I’ve learned through leadership is that fear often disguises itself as perfectionism.
Many leaders are afraid of making mistakes because they believe mistakes will undermine their credibility.
I’ve certainly been there.
Early in my career, I made a significant financial reporting error that felt devastating at the time. For years, the lesson I focused on was that numbers weren’t my strength.
Looking back, I see a different lesson.
The real issue wasn’t my lack of expertise.
It was my reluctance to ask for help.
My desire to prove myself prevented me from collaborating with others who could have strengthened the work.
That experience taught me something important:
Strong leaders are not people who never need help.
Strong leaders are people who know when to seek it.
The shift from proving yourself to improving yourself is one of the most powerful leadership transitions a person can make.
Vulnerability Fuels Innovation
This connection between vulnerability and innovation has become increasingly important to me.
Organizations often say they want innovation. They want new ideas, creative solutions, and growth.
But innovation requires people to venture into the unknown.
It requires trying things that may not work.
It requires admitting that we don’t always have the answer.
Recently, our organization established a new seven-year vision with goals that are ambitious enough to feel uncomfortable.
At one point during a conversation, our CEO openly acknowledged that she didn’t yet know exactly how we would accomplish part of the vision.
For a brief moment, that uncertainty felt unsettling.
Then something unexpected happened.
It became freeing.
If she didn’t have to know all the answers, maybe the rest of us didn’t either.
That vulnerability created space for creativity.
It created permission to explore.
It shifted the conversation from fear to possibility.
Great leaders don’t always provide the roadmap.
Sometimes they create the safety needed for others to help build it.
Vulnerability Is an Opportunity to Influence
Many leaders assume influence comes from authority, expertise, or confidence.
While those things matter, I believe influence often comes from authenticity.
People connect with leaders who are real.
People trust leaders who are honest.
People follow leaders who are willing to grow.
Vulnerability is not about oversharing.
It is not about abandoning professionalism.
It is about embracing honesty, humility, and humanity.
And in today’s workplace, those qualities may be more important than ever.
A Challenge for Leaders
As you reflect on your own leadership journey, consider these questions:
- Where are you still trying to appear perfect?
- What mistake or lesson could benefit someone else if you shared it?
- How are you creating psychological safety for your team?
- What would change if you focused more on improving yourself than proving yourself?
The strongest leaders are not those who never struggle.
They are the ones willing to learn openly.
Because vulnerability is not the opposite of leadership.
It is one of its most powerful expressions.